As homeschool moms, there are a lot of common homeschool struggles that nobody talks about! Some of these struggles that we face are related to our child’s education, and some simply stem from our insecurities. I am breaking down the walls here, and sharing the 10 most common homeschool struggles from our own homeschooling journey! If you are a homeschooling parent, I know you will relate to these as well.
Let this post be an encouragement and a reminder to you, that you are NOT alone! Homeschooling can be challenging, and there are times it has even brought myself, and my kids, to tears. However, I stand firm on my belief that it is the best choice for our family, and it brings FAR more blessings than challenges!
If you are struggling with doubts and fears about your homeschooling experience, check out my blog post all about overcoming fear and doubt as a homeschool mom.
Here are the 10 most common homeschool struggles that we are looking at today:
- Doubting that we are doing enough
- Dreading the “questions”
- Getting “ready” for the day
- Worrying about standardized test-taking
- Getting caught in the homeschool curriculum trap
- Expectations Vs Reality
- Making new friends within the homeschooling community
- Fear of failing our kids
- The urge to defend our homeschooling choice
- Feeling judged when our children struggle
1. Doubting That We Are Doing Enough
We are starting with this one for a reason – this is the single most COMMON homeschool struggle out there! I know from speaking with fellow homeschoolers, that as a homeschooling parent, this is by far one of the most common challenges. We try so hard to meet our child’s needs, provide them with a good education, and even get them involved in extracurricular activities. Yet, there are days when we still wonder if it’s enough.
Usually, this feeling of doubt creeps in during the moments when the rose-colored glasses are off, and you are deep in the trenches of full time homeschooling. Perhaps your children are fighting with you over a writing assignment, or you are worried because they don’t seem to understand their math problems (even after you’ve explained it to them 20 times).
The reality of “real life homeschooling” kicks in, and you start to feel unequipped for the job. Then, you wonder if you are using the right materials, or covering the right topics. All of a sudden, you feel as though everything you are doing will not be enough to give them the quality education you desire them to have.
If this is you…
If you are nodding your head while reading this, please know, I understand! This is something that every single homeschool parent I know, has admitted to feeling, sometimes even on a daily basis.
Children everywhere are going to face challenges with their education – whether homeschooled or attending traditional school.
For you as the homeschool mom, just try to remind yourself that nobody knows your kids like you do, and you do not have to hold a teaching degree to successfully homeschool your children. So instead of spending so much time doubting whether or not you are doing enough, try focusing on the growth you are seeing in your children.
Take your homeschool years just one day at a time, don’t get ahead of yourself, and focus on what your child needs today. Next year will come, but right now, by doing what needs to be done today, I am confident that you will be doing enough.
2. Dreading The “Questions”
If you have been homeschooling for awhile, I’m sure you’ve encountered the “questions” that are asked by strangers who see you out and about with your children during the day. Some examples of these questions are:
- “Is there no school today?”
- “Oh, you homeschool? What’s that like?”
- “What grade are you in?”
- “Do you like being homeschooled?”
- “Do you ever feel like you’re missing out?” (My personal favourite…..yes, people have asked my children that question MORE than once!)
Although I’m sure most people who ask these questions are completely innocent and unaware of how this makes us feel, it’s challenging to not allow these situations to bother you. Especially the questions directed towards your children, asking if they enjoy being homeschooled, or feel as if they’re missing out because they don’t attend public school.
If this is you…
These sorts of questions can often put you on the spot, and depending on the situation, can even feel like a bit of an attack.
One way I try to shift the focus here is by looking at this as a unique opportunity to educate the person, (a little bit), on the homeschooling world! This is NOT the time to go into a full on homeschooling lesson with them, but rather, simply give them a glimpse of what homeschooling is and the different reasons people have to choose it.
3. Getting “Ready” For The Day
Some people have the idea in their heads that homeschooled kids lay around the house in their pj’s all day, never going anywhere or doing anything outside of the house. This is SO far from the truth, that it almost makes me laugh! Most homeschool families are extremely social, and the kids are involved in many different activities outside of the home.
On days where we have a lot going on, it’s easy to convince the kids to be dressed and well groomed for the day. But on the days where we really will just be home, it can be harder to teach our children the discipline of getting yourself “ready” for the day.
As the homeschooling mom, I personally find that I NEED to get myself ready in the morning, in order to get my mind focused on the right things. If I don’t, and if I stay in my pyjamas, then the only thing I want to do is lay on the couch! In order to feel motivated for my many daily tasks, getting myself dressed and ready for the day makes a huge difference!
If this is you…
This however, isn’t always the case with our children, and they can sometimes perform their daily requirements just fine in their pyjamas. This becomes a struggle when we know that it will be a home day, all day long – yet we want to model good habits to our children.
Now, let me add that I see nothing wrong with a pyjama day every now and then! Even the public school system hosts pyjama days sometimes! The struggle is with training our children, and sometimes ourselves, to have the proper mindset behind getting ourselves out of our “sleepwear”, and into our “work wear”.
What does that look like for us? Well, for myself, it’s usually a good pair of yoga pants and comfortable top. For my kids, it’s usually just a pair of comfy pants and a sweater. Nothing fancy at all – but distinctly different than what we wear to bed. That’s the key. It really does affect our motivation, and from talking with other homeschoolers, I know it does for other people as well.
4. Worrying About Standardized Test-Taking
Depending on where you live, there may actually be some legal requirements in place that require your children to periodically take a standardized test. Where I live, there are no legal requirements for that at all. All we need to do is file a report at the beginning and the end of the year, stating what we did during that school year.
Yet, even though I have absolutely zero pressure of standardized tests, I still find myself worrying whether or not my kids would perform well on them or not! I know it’s silly, but not all of our fears are rational – and I know from experience, that this is very much a common homeschool struggle.
Much like the majority of these homeschool struggles I’m discussing, this one is based out of the fear that we haven’t prepared our children well enough for “real life”. (That term is one of my least favourites!)
If this is you…
I can’t speak from my own personal experience with standardized test-taking, but I have listened to some other homeschool moms discuss them, and I’ve drawn a conclusion:
- Even IF your child does have to take a standardized test every now and then, as the homeschool mom, you simply prepare your child for it, they go in and do their best, and then it’s over!
Doesn’t sound so scary anymore does it?
Because this common homeschool struggle is based out of fear, not fact, it’s the FEAR we need to address. We need to remember that all children are different, and every child learns at their own pace. Homeschool is not a magic wand that is waved and erases all academic struggles. As much as we pour into our children, they may still struggle with something. Worst case scenario is, they don’t do great on the test, and you move forward choosing to help them focus more on those areas of struggle.
Besides, if you live somewhere where these tests are required, they typically don’t enter into play until the teen years. So if you still have younger kids, don’t even bat an eye over this one!
5. Getting Caught In The Homeschool Curriculum Trap
Within the world of homeschooling, there are various different viewpoints on the use of curriculum. Some people use it all the time, some never use it, and others only use it when they feel it’s helping them towards their educational goals. But we can all agree that one of the most important things to us homeschool parents, is that our kids are actually learning and absorbing the information they are taking in.
For those of us who like using curriculum, we can often get stuck in what I like to call, the “curriculum trap“. This is when something isn’t going quite right with our homeschooling, and one or more of our kids either isn’t enjoying the current curriculum, or isn’t getting what they need from it. Maybe it’s too advanced, not advanced enough, too wordy, too technical, etc. There are many reasons why a curriculum may not be working out for your child, or even for you as the parent.
Then, like an answer sent from heaven, we hear about a different curriculum we haven’t tried yet, and it sounds so promising! Our friend from the homeschool co-op uses it, and her kids are doing great!
So, having all the best intentions, we proceed to purchase this new curriculum – expecting that it will solve all of our homeschool problems. However, that rarely ever happens. What usually happens, is we get ourselves all hyped up and ready to FINALLY master our homeschooling journey with the use of THIS curriculum, only to find out that it hasn’t solved any of our problems at all. This is because often times, the problems that we face in our homeschool are not the kinds of things that a curriculum can completely resolve.
If this is you…
During the course of our own homeschooling journey, I have found that most of the challenges we face in regards to actual school work, all stem from either a lack of motivation or a lack of consistency. For myself, a lack of consistency is usually the culprit, and I have learned some ways to rise above that, which have been extremely beneficial to our homeschool experience.
If this is something you struggle with, click here to discover some easy ways that you can help improve your consistency as a homeschool mom.
The curriculum trap is an easy one to fall into because curriculum in itself is not a bad thing! We love curriculum, and we use it on a regular basis in our homeschool. But I have definitely been guilty of purchasing something, with the hope that it will transform our entire homeschooling experience – and no curriculum does that. The only things that will effectively transform your homeschool, are consistency, and learning to be flexible and adaptable as a homeschooling family.
6. Expectations Vs Reality
With every new year of homeschooling, comes a whole new level of excitement! Most homeschooling moms will spend some time planning out their next year, with all sorts of wonderful ideas such as field trips, homeschool co-op activities, and more. This is a good thing to do, because planning your year not only provides you with an outline of what you will cover, but it also serves as an anchor when things start to feel a little crazy!
But this is where the common homeschool struggle of dealing with our expectations, vs our reality comes into play – especially if it is your first year homeschooling.
Like I just stated, having an outline is a very good practise, and I really do believe it will set you up for success in your school year. But along with that outline, you need to have a level of flexibility, and understand that in the midst of your homeschooling efforts, LIFE is still going on around you. Situations are going to arise, people will get sick, and you will not always be able to check everything off of your list.
If this is you…
That’s OK – take a deep breath and let my words sink in a little bit. Our expectations are often not our realities.
In my experience, the thing to do when you start to feel frustrated or defeated by this is to take a step back, and examine what’s most important. Not just what’s most important to your child’s academic education, but also to your overall lifestyle, and relationship goals as a homeschooling family. Be willing to set something aside if it’s causing problems, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself, or your children, to complete every single task you have included in your homeschool planner.
Teachers within the public school system don’t accomplish everything they set out to do each year, and neither will you. That is the reality, and keeping that in mind as you make your plans will help you prioritize what you will choose to focus on/set aside, when life interrupts your flow a bit.
7. Making New Friends Within The Homeschooling Community
Another very common homeschool struggle is making new friends within your local homeschooling community. Sometimes it happens completely organically, and for those times, we are so grateful! Other times, we find ourselves doing a bit of “scouting”, as I like to call it. This is when we are attending a homeschool outing, and we start scanning the group for kids who are around the same ages as our kids, and moms that seem like our “people”.
This is totally cringy, and is not something that is discussed very often, however, it’s definitely a thing!
It sort of reminds me of “friendship dating” – where you approach someone you think looks interesting, chat for a few minutes, and then exchange phone numbers – promising to get together with the kids for a play date. It can feel a little awkward at times, but the results are so worth the momentary discomfort!
Contrary to popular beliefs, most homeschooled kids are actually extremely social and develop excellent social skills. This is largely due to the fact that the homeschool lifestyle lends itself towards associating with people of all ages, and backgrounds, on a regular basis. Homeschooled kids do not spend their time only with people their own age, and the homeschool lifestyle is not segregated by grade level. This results in well balanced, well socialized children who, generally, make friends fairly easily.
If this is you…
Despite the excellent social skills of homeschoolers, the initial effort of establishing some great homeschool relationships can sometimes feel like a struggle, simply because it means putting ourselves out there and being a little bit vulnerable. Don’t let that stop you though – push through, attend the outings, and chances are you and your children will make some new friends that turn into lifelong relationships.
8. Fear Of Failing Our Kids
One of the best things about homeschooling, is that we get to intimately walk this road with our children. We get a front row seat in all of their academics, and largely, we have a lot of influence over what they are learning. We have the privilege, and the responsibility, of leading them down their educational path.
When they are young, there is much less pressure and fear, since the entire academic focus is on developing the basics – reading, writing, and math. Don’t get me wrong, those are crucial skills to learn, but most of us know that one way or another, our children WILL in fact learn those skills. Even if we have a child who is struggling in one or more of those areas, we have the gift of time on our hands and can work with them while they master that.
As they start to get older, we often find ourselves face to face with another common homeschool struggle – and that is the fear of failing our kids.
This fear will take us down the rabbit hole of thinking they won’t know enough to get into university, or they will never be able to handle the “real world”, etc. All sorts of irrational thoughts can creep into our minds because of this fear, and we can sometimes find ourselves worrying that our kids will grow up, be completely incompetent and unprepared for this world, and it will be all OUR fault!
If this is you…
Typing this out makes me realize how irrational this may sound, but fear does tend to be irrational. As parents, we love our children so much and want to see them grow up to be happy, well balanced, successful adults. As homeschool parents, we not only have that love for them, but we also hold a level of responsibility for their education, that non homeschool parents don’t quite carry.
We feel as though their success in life is completely on our shoulders – which of course, it is not. But the fear of doing it all wrong, and completely failing our kids is truly, a very common homeschool struggle.
A great way to help you overcome this struggle, is to talk to a veteran homeschooler – someone who has seen their homeschooled kids through all of the stages, and into adulthood. A veteran homeschooler will be able to offer you perspective and wisdom that perhaps, you simply have not gained yet. Doing this will encourage you in your homeschooling journey, and break down the fear of failing your kids, very quickly!
9. The Urge To Defend Our Homeschooling Choice
One day, not too long ago, I was at the dog park with my children. It was during the day, and an older gentlemen there questioned why they weren’t at school, to which I replied, “They are homeschooled.” Well, he made it very clear to me that he did not approve of homeschooling, and that basically, he felt it was irresponsible. He then had the audacity to ask my daughter if she ever felt like she was “missing out” by being homeschooled!
By this point, the heat was rising within me, and all I wanted to do was stand up on the nearby tree stump, point my finger at him, and educate him on all the many ways in which he was wrong!
I did not do that, however I did express to him in a polite, yet strong way, that homeschooling works very well for us, we love it, and that it isn’t what many people assume it to be. To say that I was biting my tongue would be a major understatement!
The urge to defend our homeschooling choice, (and homeschooling in general), is another common homeschool struggle. Because we as homeschoolers, have discovered how amazing it is, we want to shout it from the rooftops! Especially when we find ourselves in a situation where someone is actually insulting our homeschool decision. When that happens, the bombs ignite internally, and we are ready to fire!
If this is you…
The reality is that arguing with someone, especially a stranger, is rarely going to change their opinion. The more we defend, rant, and rave over how great homeschooling is, the more defensive they will become, and it won’t result in any sort of constructive conversation. More often than not, we will just end up looking and sounding like a crazy person.
When it comes to strangers at the dog park, it’s easy to just leave and end the conversations completely. But when you have friends or family members that disagree with your choice to homeschool, it can be harder then to keep quiet. You want them to understand the beauty of the homeschooling lifestyle, and you also may be seeking their approval.
In those situations, I believe it’s best to just agree to disagree. Rather than preaching the wonders of homeschooling in hopes you will convert them, simply show them by your actions how wonderful it is. Live your life in a manner that over time, they will start to see what you see. They may never want to choose homeschooling for their own family, but if they see the fruit of homeschooling, grow from you and your kids, it will be hard for them to argue against that.
10. Feeling Judged When Our Children Struggle
Every homeschooling parent I ever speak to about this, agrees that this is something they have struggled with. This truly is a very common homeschool struggle, so if you’re dealing with this, you are NOT alone!
I had alluded earlier to the idea that as homeschool parents, we feel as though we “own” our children’s success or failure in life. Because we are spearheading their education, we absolutely carry a lot of responsibility, but that doesn’t mean that we have done something wrong if they are struggling in a certain area.
Everybody struggles with stuff, and there’s no way to avoid that. As homeschool moms, we wear the hat of both parent, and teacher, so we often feel a double whammy of guilt when we discover that our child is struggling with a concept.
When this happens, we then start to worry that people are going to judge us, assume that we are under qualified to teach our kids, or that we’ve done something wrong.
If this is you…
This fear of being judged stems from insecurities, and from the mainstream ideology that you must be a certified teacher in order to be able to teach. Even though we know that this is not true, our emotions can get the better of us and make us question this very concept. It can also make the idea of reaching out for help, slightly intimidating as well.
But we must overcome this way of thinking, and focus on the fact that our job isn’t to do everything perfectly. Our job is to facilitate our child’s education and offer them the support they need to overcome whatever hurdles they will face. Not even trained school teachers have all the answers, so why would we expect ourselves to? This is another situation where talking to a veteran homeschooler is extremely helpful in gaining peace, and perspective.
Summary
I hope that this list of the 10 most common homeschool struggles has helped you to not only understand the realities you may be facing as a homeschooler, but to also remind you that you are part of a community.
You are not alone in any of these struggles, and if you aren’t already, I encourage you to get involved with other local homeschoolers. Being able to share your thoughts and feelings with people who are walking the same road as you, is extremely beneficial for both you, and your children.
Be encouraged, and walk this journey in faith – believing that everything will work out, and you will look back on these homeschooling years with fondness and perspective. Don’t let these struggles keep you from thriving in this lifestyle. You’ve got this!
Blessings!
~Maryann
Such good info. It’s great to know we are not alone in our struggles. And this does not mean homeschool is not the right choice for us.
Absolutely! We are not alone, we’ve all been there – many times over!
It really bothers me when strangers share their negative opinions about homeschooling. I find that it is so deeply based on misinformation and assumptions! I agree, it very rarely helps by trying to defend yourself, because often those people aren’t interested in learning, they just want to validate their own choices. Keep going, be encouraged, home IS the best place for our children.