Fear and doubt are two things that ALL homeschool parents deal with at one time or another. Here are some effective strategies on how to overcome fear and doubt as a homeschool mom!
I am addressing the most common fears and doubts that homeschool moms struggle with, myself included!
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As a homeschooling mom of two kids, I can tell you I’ve had my fair share of bad days, and those are exactly when those feelings start to creep in. However, over the years I have learned some ways to help me combat these emotions. Now, I’m sharing what I have learned with you, in hopes that it will also help you to overcome your fear and doubt as a homeschool mom.
1. Fear Of Failure Before You Even Start
For many homeschool moms, fear of failure kicks in before you even start homeschooling your children!
You’re thinking about it, reading about it, and most likely researching every possible curriculum option out there. You know you want to do this, but the fear and overwhelm start to show their ugly faces before you’ve even gotten your feet wet!
When I was in this stage, my biggest fear was not knowing enough to be able to provide my children with everything they needed to learn. I knew I wanted them to have a better education, but I felt completely unequipped to give that to them.
Also, I worried there would be huge gaps in their education, and that they won’t have what they need in order to pursue their careers. I worried that I was going to royally screw this up, destroy my children’s education, and their lives, in the process!
Dramatic….yes…I know.
How To Overcome
Here are some tips to help you move past this paralyzing fear of screwing it all up, (which, by the way, you won’t).
Talk to a veteran homeschooler
Connecting with a veteran homeschooler will allow you to ask questions in real time, and more often than not, an experienced homeschooling parent will be able to squash your fears pretty quickly.
How? Because they’ve been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt! Chances are, there is nothing you are worrying about that they themselves haven’t already worried about and overcame!
They will be able to offer you loads of practical advice when you need it. Leaning on the experience of seasoned homeschool parents is one of the most effective ways to to help you move past those initial feelings of fear and doubt.
Plan to deschool at the beginning
Deschooling is the process in which you take time to deprogram yourself, and your kids, from the public school mindset. If you aren’t familiar with deschooling, I have a whole blog post that explains it in detail. You can find it here.
In a nutshell, when planning to start your homeschooling journey by deschooling, you are removing a lot of the outside expectations that may be weighing you down. Plus, you are laying the groundwork for success in your homeschool.
Focus ONLY on the current level of your children
If you have young children, stop worrying about how you’re going to homeschool them in high school. (Don’t pretend you’re not doing this…because I know you are!)
The fear of homeschooling high school is very common, but usually is not based on facts. It is very doable to homeschool high school aged kids, BUT, if that’s not the stage of life you’re in, stop thinking about it!
The best way to overcome fear and doubt as a homeschool mom is to not get ahead of yourself, and take everything year by year. When you’re just getting started, all you need to focus on are the basics, such as shifting your mindset, quality time with your kids, and establishing a good routine.
You may also like:
How To Create A Homeschool Morning Routine That Works
10 Things You Should Know Before Starting To Homeschool
2. The Fear Of “Not Doing Enough”
This is SUCH a common fear of homeschool moms everywhere! And listen, I am not exempt from this…I have been caught in this trap more times than I’d like to admit, and I probably will be again. However, I have learned a few things about this particular fear over the last few years that help me to shoot it down when it tries to attack!
I can tell you, from my own personal experience, that the fear of not doing enough is a powerful one. But that’s because it actually stems from a good place – LOVE for our children, and the desire to see them flourish.
As a homeschooling mom, you have a great multitude of things on your plate every day, and even MORE on your heart and mind. Your child’s education now falls on YOU, and it’s up to you to keep things going on the right track. At the beginning of each year, you imagine how you want your school days to look. Maybe you have even gone ahead, organized your lesson plans, and you are feeling confident about the year ahead!
However, sometimes all it takes is a few bad days here and there, for that persistent homeschool fear of not doing enough, to start living rent free in your brain!
You start to doubt that your children will ever be prepared for the “real world“, (as people so annoyingly like to put it.) You worry that your language arts curriculum isn’t good enough because they still can’t spell everything perfectly. You’re worried you aren’t taking them on enough field trips, covering enough history, or doing enough science experiments with them.
It really is a downward spiral. Again, I’m speaking from my own personal experience here. The good news, however, is that there are a few key things you can do to quiet these fears and doubts, and regain your confidence.
How To Overcome
Here are some strategies to overcome fear and doubt as a homeschool mom when you are worried you are not doing enough:
Stop comparing your homeschool to someone else’s homeschool
I believe that when we look at the fear of homeschool failure in general, the largest contributing factor to that is comparison.
We all know the famous quote by Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy“, and there really is a lot of wisdom in that!
Remind yourself that there are MANY different ways of learning and homeschooling, and your family will never be the same as another homeschool family. Your children are uniquely designed and created by our Heavenly Father, and He doesn’t WANT them to be like anyone else! This homeschool journey is YOUR homeschool journey.
This means that just because someone ELSE may be teaching their kids how to sew, you don’t also have to teach YOUR kids how to sew. Not doing all the same things as another homeschool family, does NOT equal you not doing enough.
Tread lightly with social media
Social media can be a great thing, and can provide some wonderful inspiration and ideas. But it can also be a slippery slope, and pull you straight down into the comparison game we just talked about.
It can also feed a sense of discontentment with your own life. As a new homeschooler especially, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all the different homeschool methods and curriculum choices available – and seeing everyone on social media seemingly “having it all together”, can ignite those feelings of fear and doubt very quickly.
So tread lightly, and only go to social media for homeschool reasons when you are feeling confident, creative, and open to new ideas. Don’t turn to it in an effort to recapture joy if yours has been lost. Most of the time, it won’t do that for you.
Focus on the core subjects
This is important because so often, we allow our homeschooling fears to push us into doing TOO much with our kids, usually causing a crash and burn at some point.
For the majority of your child’s education, the core subjects, which are math and language arts, will be all you really need to focus on.
Subjects like history, science, and even art, are extra’s and don’t need to be focused on in the same way. Especially in the younger years. Those are topics that can be covered here and there, and often are just a part of everyday life.
If your child likes to color or draw – that’s art. Maybe you and your child like to bake together – that’s science. And when you go on a field trip to a local museum – that’s history. By taking some stress off and focusing primarily on the core subjects, you end up covering them more effectively, all while releasing the burden of having do it all.
And remember, do not underestimate the power of reading! Once your children know how to read, they can learn about anything they have an interest in! Focus on the basics, and that really is “doing enough”.
3. Doubting Your Ability To “Teach”
A lot of homeschool moms doubt their basic ability to teach their children. Usually, this stems from the idea that if you haven’t gone to university and earned a degree in education, then you won’t know how to teach your children what they need to know.
That is an absolute LIE! In fact, the National Home Education Research Institute states:
- “Whether homeschool parents were ever certified teachers is not notably related to their children’s academic achievement.”
Public school teachers are trained in how to handle a classroom full of children with all sorts of various special needs, behavioural issues, and learning styles. They are given a specific curriculum to follow, and are taught how to implement that curriculum within a large classroom setting.
There is NOTHING about what they do, that mirrors homeschooling. They are two completely different things, with different strategies and varying outcomes.
As a parent, you have been teaching your children since the day they were born. You have taught them eye contact, communication, affection, movement, emotional regulation, and more. And you didn’t need any special training or course book to do any of this! In fact, you didn’t really “teach” them any of this – they just learned.
Children learn so naturally, and we tend to forget about that as soon as they turn 5, and “school” pops up on our radar. Your children don’t need you to teach them everything, in order for them to learn. They just need you to support them in their learning, be there to help them find answers to their questions, and lead by example.
You children are going to learn so many new things over the course of their life, so the most valuable concept you can “teach” them, is to enjoy learning!
Show them that you too, are learning right alongside them, and that you don’t have all the answers. Show them how much joy there is in discovering the answer you were looking for, and spend less time worrying about how to handle subjects you may not know about.
How To Overcome
Let’s look at a few ways you can overcome your doubts about “teaching”, as a homeschooling parent:
Find Some Homeschool Graduates
Listening to successful homeschool graduates can really put your mind at ease as a homeschool mom. This is especially true when you’re just starting out, your kids are young, and the future feels so unknown.
All the homeschool graduates I’ve ever spoken to, or listened to in an interview, all tend to share a common experience: They didn’t need or expect their mothers to teach them everything, because they learned how to be self taught. What they did need from their mothers was support, encouragement, and help when solicited.
Obviously, when you have young elementary aged children, you will be taking on the role of “teacher” more regularly, but those don’t tend to be the years that elicit the greatest fear. It’s usually the middle school and high school years that make homeschool moms feel inadequate.
But listening to the experiences of homeschool graduates reminds us that what older children need, is often less formal teaching, and more connection and support.
Realize That Public School Teachers Don’t Teach Everything
I remember a discussion I had with a veteran homeschooler one time, and I asked her how I was going to be able to teach algebra or biology when I have absolutely zero knowledge when it comes to those subjects! Her answer literally changed the way I viewed my role as a homeschool mom. This is what she said:
“You don’t have to teach your children all of those subjects. Not even public school teachers teach everything. In public school, there’s one teacher for math, one for science, one for english, etc. Homeschooling is no different! Teach what comes naturally for you to teach, and outsource the rest! Utilize online classes, tutors, or simple library books. Even public school kids who have a separate teacher for each course, will STILL have tutors to help them with something, or sign up for a special online class. You do not carry the responsibility of covering everything, and there are endless resources at your disposal.”
I hope this lifts a burden off of you, because it certainly did for me!
As homeschool moms, we do not have to teach our children everything. It’s not possible and it’s not expected.
There are an endless number of classes, both online and in person your children can be part of. There are tutors, homeschool co-ops, job shadowing opportunities and more! Older children who are into their high school years even have the option of taking college courses online.
So take a deep breath, relax, and know that you do not have to doubt your ability to teach everything – simply because, you DON’T!
Be Patient With Yourself
When learning how to overcome fear and doubt as a homeschool mom, one area that makes a huge difference is how you treat yourself.
Homeschooling is hard work, and there’s definitely a learning curve to it. Every family has to do some trial and error before slipping into their groove. Your family is no different.
Be careful what expectations you place on yourself, and even on your children. Even though you may WANT your homeschool life to look like all the pretty pictures you’ve saved to your Pinterest board, that doesn’t mean that it’s going to.
Homeschooling is an absolutely incredible journey, filled with one amazing thing after another! But usually, in between all that “amazingness”, is where real life happens. Maybe you chose a curriculum that isn’t working out so well, or you have a toddler that keeps interrupting your attempts at math lessons with your older child.
Be patient Mamma…..there is a season for everything, and each season carries its own victories and struggles. Don’t expect yourself to perform as though you’ve been homeschooling for 10 years, when you’ve only just begun. You don’t expect those things from others, so don’t place that burden on yourself either.
Fear And Doubt Affect ALL Homeschool Moms
Lastly, I want you to understand that if you are struggling with fear and doubt as a homeschool mom, you are NOT alone.
Every single one of us have faced these emotions at one time or another. Get involved with a local homeschool group and let those other moms be your support system. They will understand fully what you’re feeling, and you will find so much comfort in sharing your homeschool journey with them.
Also, the very fact that we face these fears and doubts about our abilities as homeschool moms ,is because we love our kids SO much and we only want what’s best for them. That fact alone, is a sign that you’re going to do this well. Your children will know that they have your love and support throughout all their years of homeschooling – and that will take them farther than a lesson plan ever will!
Blessings!
~Maryann
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